MONSTERS of the household variety
Ever wondered why one of your new socks always goes missing, or
comes back from the wash looking slightly more worn than it should?
Do you ever question the senseless places your TV remote gets to?
These events are not just coincidences, or overactive imaginations.
Things dwell in our homes, things that make our lives just that
little bit more difficult. Things that cause us to question our
sanity, and things that steal the last toilet roll just as we sit
down for a number two. . .
You are not alone.
The sock stealing monster
Sockticus Loseicus
A very common monster, found in nearly every household. The sock
monster isn’t a malicious thief, merely a monster whose life
evolves around keeping its feet warm and in order. For a monster
with this anatomy it’s a full time occupation.
The Sockticus Loseicus' origin is unknown, but once settled into
a machine, it is there for life.
It dwells in the protective darkness behind washing machines, which
is prime estate for first dibs on all the newest and freshest washed
socks. The Sockticus Loseicus thrives best in a family environment,
as this provides it with a wide variety of socks to choose from.
It finds the uniform black sock of the swanky bachelor pad far too
dull.
During hot summer months when fresh washed socks are scarce due
to the preference of sandals, it is often known to move into the
bedroom, to feast on the full underwear drawer.
The Sockticus Loseicus is very particular about which socks it adorns
itself with. It often returns socks once they start becoming worn,
or if something better comes along.
It detests socks with holes, and can also be responsible for putting
red socks in the white washing.
MONSTERS of the garden variety
The leaf munching monster
Muncheous Iticus
This cunning little monster is an unwelcome visitor to any garden.
It has exceptionally good (or rather expensive) taste, targeting
only the largest, luscious and most established of plants to dine
on. However it would be foolish to assume this makes it a fussy
eater. It is not.
The Muncheous Iticus' anatomy consists mainly of mouth and feet.
Making it perfectly formed for high velocity chomping. Astonishingly
quick the Muncheous Iticus is impossible to catch in action, the
only evidence of its activities are the unmistakeable teeth marks
left on surviving leaves.
By night it can cover numerous gardens, sampling each plant in turn
and devouring the most scrumptious. As the Muncheous Iticus needs
little or no sleep, it can be found by day gathering snails to foot
the blame for its midnight feasting.
This intolerable nuisance is completely immune to slug pellets and
other pest deterrents. Though has a mortal fear of clay plant pots.
The garden poo monster
Stoodictus Infaecesus
Surprisingly little is known about this garden monster, though
it is believed to be one of the largest of the garden variety, due
to the considerable size of the evidence. Other than the 'presents'
kindly left behind, the Stoodictus Infaecesus is completely untraceable.
The evidence of this monsters existence is often hidden just out
of view, and is only discovered by that disconcerting squelch as
your foot fails to meet solid ground. More devious Stooicus Infaecesus
have taken a shine to children's sand pits, where they unhygienicly
bury poo in the middle of sand castles.
Some have even evolved to expertly hone in on freshly washed cars.
Nothing is spared.
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